I Wish I Had More Answers.

I wish I had it all together.  But I don't. Sometimes I look around and all I see are a series of colossal screw-ups.  One after another.

Rejection. Failure. My inability to climb higher.

A times, the things I want to achieve seem out of reach.  The problems I solve are only replaced by new ones.

I'm not whining.

Just sharing what goes on in my head some days.

I'll never tell you this if we meet.  Heck, I'm one of the world's leading business strategists.

And I'm unbelievably awesome at solving problems.

Usually your problems.

I'm not completely sure how I do it.  I  understand how people work -- usually better than they do.

I can see the pieces and emotions in my head.  I bring them together in a weird way that needs to be translated into business speak.

But while I'm great at figuring out you, I'm not always completely sure how I work.

How to get what I want.

I'm not even sure if I really want what I think I want.

That's the silliest part of this whole damn situation.  When I need answers I can't seem to find them.

And I can't always control the inspiration.  How I find answers.

It comes in waves.

Sometimes I'm fearless and untouchable.

The rest of the time I struggle with depression and demons from my past.  I start wondering if it's going to be worth it.

I ask myself if I'm really trying to help people or just being antagonistic because it comes easiest.

I don't know.

And I'm not sure it really matters either.  I just wish I had more answers.

Ever been there?   I have.  Feels pretty miserable.  Pretty hopeless  Pretty confusing.

The reality is that we are looking for answers.  Your answers are different than mine.

Just as your problems are.

We spent a lot of time and effort pretending like we have it all figured out.  Like everything is OK all the time.  And it's not.

We're flawed people.   We make mistakes.  We get hurt.  Tired.  And discouraged.

But in spite of our fears and failures and pain, we can choose to do extraordinary things.

To live in relentless pursuit of answers.

I believe that today will pass and I'll see tomorrow a little brighter.  I've been confused and frightened and angry before.

I just had to stick it out.  To keep shuffling my feet forward.

I'm going to find some answers.  You will too.

Attitude, FearStephen Palacino