Passive Aggression is Stealing your Dreams.
Your attitude. Your behavior is stealing your dreams. Your destiny.
Think about that for a minute
"We" are the difference between our failure and everything we want for ourselves in the future...
What we want to be will likely never actually ever come to be. And all because we let passive aggression cripple us.
We might be sacrificing the outrageous future of our dreams because we can't conquer our fears, be authentic, and take control of "us".
You know what I'm talking about. (I know about me at least...)
We have dreams. We are passionate. And then when it matters most, we revert to cowardly, self-sabotaging behavior.
And I think it's because we just don't believe there is any other way.
But first things first. Let's dig a little bit into this idea of passive aggression.
What does it look like?
It looks like some of the crazy stuff we do :
- Ambiguity -- angry kindness, quiet loudness, comical insults
- Sulking -- pouting at an outcome, decision, or activity
- Playing the "Victim" -- blaming everyone else (usually includes a high level of whining)
- Obstruction -- purposefully getting in the way so that progress or success (or failure) can not be achieved
- Procrastination -- delaying a decision or a deadline so that outcomes get blurry
That's all theoretic. Right? Webster Dictionary type stuff. You might be reading this and thinking:
"Dude, that could be anybody? And are those bad traits really going to steal my destiny?"
Yes. You know it. Before we get into this, you know deep down that this stuff is crippling you.
It's the complete opposite of passion and purpose and powerful. It's the worst type of aggression too. It's all self-inflicted damage.
Just because you aren't punching a hole in the wall, throwing a dinner plate across the room, or screaming until your veins pop out in your neck, don't think that you are a "relationship hero". Sure, all that outward anger drama makes you look like a moron to everyone around you, but it might be better than screwing up all the "secret stuff" that only you know about.
We all want an amazing destiny, but our own survival instincts can make us weak -- cripple our ability to perform at high levels.
So, what to do?
Here's for starters. Stop saying things like:
1. "I'll try" or "Let me see" or "Let me get back to you".
Usually all "cop-out". No Authenticity. You don't want to put your neck out there and really be passionate about your own success, so you leave yourself several "outs". You can always have an alibi for failure. When something goes wrong, you can always come back to the fact that you never "promised" to get it done.
Commit and conquer. Burn the ships. Don't leave yourself the opportunity to fail nicely. Make it brutal for yourself if you wimp out.
2. "Whatever....", "Sure", or "I guess".
Running from responsibility. Instead of saying "NO" and getting your feelings and perspectives out in the open, we use these triggers to make an awkward or uncomfortable situation go away. Instead of managing our fears, we become emotionally lazy.
Be emotionally aware. Exercise your communication skills like any other any other talent that you would work for. You are letting yourself down when you just give up on yourself, your idea, or your passion.
3. "Maybe" or "If"
Conditional blame-game, decision making. You get put on the spot with a question and you fall back to the old pattern of not wanting to be the person that needs to be the authority. And here's what's happening -- You are betting against yourself. Your mindset is that you will likely fail so you want to have a prior statement "on the record" that the conditions for your success were not met. Thus, you were unable to be successful.
Contribute. Be extreme. Put in the effort. People will know (eventually) that you are a "doer".
and the ultimate phrase:
4. "Yes, but..."
Pure pathetic avoidance with a splash of whine. We all hate to hear others use this. It really is the ultimate expression of worthlessness. It says, "I screwed up and now I am going to make it worse, by whining about it."
If you have to give a "yes" or "no" answer and it demands an explanation, then try these words: "Yes, and....". It not only sounds nicer, you might actually keep their attention long enough to hear your logic. Plus, "and" is cooperative and "but" is combative.
These are some things to start working on. (Me too...).
Just remember. You have a choice whether you will tolerate your own passive aggression or not.
It's your dream. Your destiny.
Don't let your bad habits steal it from your future.