Just Say It Already.

Awkward. Ever leave a conversation feeling that way?

There's a lot more that needs to be said, and no one is saying it.

Maybe it's "I'm sorry" or "Here's what really happened...".

It can be with a spouse, a customer, a friend, or a prospect you really want to turn into a client.

We've all been there .

You have a conversation dancing around the real conversation and nothing productive gets done.  Frustrating, right?

Here's a little secret you probably already know about that situation:

Everybody in the conversation is frustrated...

None of us start a conversation to dance around what we really want to say.  We don't pick up the  phone to end up saying: "Never mind...."

Right?

It's hard to have an "edgy conversation".  It's hard to:

  • Admit to a critic that you were wrong when you thought you were fighting for the right thing...
  • Gently work a prospect around the untruths they are telling you to make to make you go away...
  • Confront someone with the reality that they are lying to themselves...

It's tough having an edgy conversation.

But it's the only way to really get things done and stay positive and motivated -- to stay a high performer.  Here's a reality:

Having an edgy conversation is the only way to solve most of life's really hard problems..

And you not having one might be only the reason that you are not as successful as you think you should be right now.

Think about that for a minute.  A conversation might the only thing holding you back from outrageous success.

So, let's spend some time and really think about this.  Here are:

3 tips for having an "edgy conversation":

  1. State your intentions early and often and get permission to get started -- Sometimes you need to open up the discussion by asking "do you mind if I get really honest with you" and then gently get edgy.  (By the way, being "edgy" is not an excuse to be a jerk).  If someone tells you that they don't want to know your perspective, you might as well stop right there.  Seriously.  Stop.  What you will say won't matter.  You'll just get frustrated.  And even when you do have permission to start an edgy conversation, you need to be very clear about your intentions.  You should actually use that word (e.g. "i intend to..." or  "my intention...") throughout your talk.
  2. State your perspective  and leave room to be repositioned -- Let the person know that "this is how I see this" or "this is what I am feeling".  Guess what?  You might actually be seeing or hearing something that isn't there.  By stating your perspective rather than a "fact", you leave the door open for the conversation to continue.  Remember -- if it's just you talking, you're not having a conversation.  Getting past your own perspectives is a healing process (for everyone involved). You can patch up a lot of hurt feelings by "clearing the air" in a way that doesn't shut people down.  You do that by sharing your perspective.
  3. State the desired goal of having the conversation -- Let the other person know why you are investing in having a hard discussion.  Maybe it's to find out the real underlying issue.  Maybe it's to find out ways to improve your performance.  Maybe it's because you can't live another day without taking strides forward.  Look.  When you really get obsessed about changing the world, you stop wasting time on things that don't matter.  You use every conversation to help others get closer to their goals.  And you to yours.

There's more to this but you'll have to buy the book to get the rest of the mojo. (smile)

In the meantime, start with an easy "edgy" chat.  Say your "sorry" the next time you screw up.