Your Call is Making Me Angry

I had two different calls today regarding some high level revenue opportunities that just drove me up the wall --my own little version of  Nightmare on Sales Street...

Instead of pitching anyone, I was being pitched and it wasn't so pretty a situation.  If you have had the experience of being this frustrated then you will understand the "scene".  If not, here is the gist of my side of the sales process:

Here is what I won't tell you: Right now I want to pick up the phone, tear the jack out of the wall, and throw the whole damn thing out the window.  It's NOT that you are boring me with your unprepared sales call.  It's not even that you are talking over me with your scripted "One-Call-Closes".  Frankly, you are actually making me angry right now, because of how bad you make the sales professional look.

Here is what I might tell you: "Put what we talked about into an email that we can get started on" might be a response to your insane lack of foresight and strategic initiative.  I might even throw in the subtle hint that I might want to even understand the value I might should be getting from your services.  Expect me to offer you the opportunity to "reach out to me next week" after I have a chance to review what you send me.

Here is what I will do: I will barely skim the emails you send me.  I won't answer your calls next week.  I will disrespect you as a lazy fool of a salesman...

WOW! All that angst over a couple of calls?

YES!

Because it happens to all of us every day if we are not careful.  The kicker is that most sales executives either don't have the foresight to know when they are the guy getting played or they wish to be blindly clueless for some neuro-ridiculous reason...

Well that stops here.  I can't take any more calls like that.  I am going to give you my "playbook" -- tell you what you need to tell me in order to get your commission close the deal.  Here it is in true DEWism form:

The Official NO-BS Rules of Sales Engagement:

  1. Keep anything just good to yourself  (i.e. present over-the-top stimulating awesomeness)...
  2. Learn the language of "Dollarese"  (i.e. any and all value needs to be translated into believably stupefying numbers)...
  3. Hello...  Calling 1-800-Google (i.e. research what your customer is, has, and will be doing to change the world)...
  4. Believe that sometimes life calls for a clown suit (i.e. be strategically unique in your approach)...
  5. Don't trade stocks in Wyoming (i.e. eagerly and "oftenly" qualify your prospect for value perspective as you pitch)...
  6. Aim five blows at the kidney (i.e. rabidly pursue opportunities where you can demonstrate compelling differentiation)...

Do these things - better yet, master these things -- and you will be successful in closing big deals.  I have a CEO friend who says that "The next best thing to doing something brilliant is NOT doing something STUPID"...  So it is with sales.  You don't have to be a superstar overnight; start working on not making these stupid mistakes!

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